A FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) On The alt.sex.cthulhu USENET Newsgroup
        revised 23/1/97

WHAT IS THIS GROUP FOR?
        The description of, and discussion about sex, love, and lust with 
        beings of the Cthulhu Mythos, and other dimensional over-achievers. The
 
        Cthulhu Mythos was first described to the general human population of 
        Earth by H.P. Lovecraft, though many others have contributed to the 
        Mythos.

        Sex with an elder being is unlikely to leave participant's sanity 
        intact, and is carried out at considerable risk to life and limb, and 
        limb, and limb, and limb, and limb, and limb, and .... 
        You have been warned!

        See HISTORY section below for further reasons.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?
        What do you think?

ARE ADVERTS WELCOME?
        Adverts for products or services exclusively concerned with the subject
 
        of the newsgroup are welcome. This includes personnels from elder 
        beings or willing sacrifices, adverts for sources of cthulhoid smut, 
        and sex toys for shoggoths.

        ALL OTHER ADVERTS, INCLUDING THOSE FOR OTHER SEX PRODUCTS 
        AND SERVICES,  ARE NOT TO BE POSTED IN THIS NEWSGROUP.

SHOULD OFF-TOPIC POSTINGS BE CANCELLED?
        This newsgroup welcomes the cancellation of messages meeting the 
        generally accepted criteria of being SPAM, Excessive Multiple Postings,
 
        and so forth, so long as the proper cancellation procedures are 
        followed. See news.admin.net-abuse.misc for details of these criteria 
        and procedures.

        Other off-topic postings should not be cancelled. However, the posters 
        of such messages are assumed to be inviting mockery, abuse, e-mailed 
        complaints, visits from irate elder beings, and anything else that 
        appeals to the denizens of the newsgroup. 

SOME HISTORY
        From: pali151@netcom.com (Vidushaka)

        Hi, it's me again, the guy who newgrouped this newsgroup.  I figured 
        it's about time to reveal the hidden agenda of a.s.c., as the recent 
        FAQ I saw posted kinda missed this point (Who? Me? Ed.).

        Two things became very apparent to me awhile back:

        First, that people who know what Cthulhu is are relatively intelligent.
        At least, intelligent enough to have actually read a few books!

        Second, that USENET was getting eaten alive by 1-900-JACK-OFF phone 
        numbers, and that system admins and the like weren't going to do a 
        damned thing about it - after all, they make money by letting this 
        activity go on, and why should they cut off their nose to spite their 
        face?

        So I newgrouped this not only to discuss the possibilities of screwing 
        around with hideous, evil creatures from beyond space and time, but 
        also to encourage back-spamming.  That is, the 1-900 and similar 
        articles are usually posted indiscriminately to all alt.sex.* hierarchy
 
        newsgroups; thus, they'd often land *here* as well.  This, in turn, 
        would encourage the people on this newsgroup to reply in a way that 
        would make the original posts the subject of as much ridicule as 
        possible.  After all, anyone who's reading alt.sex.cthulhu has *got* to
        have something of a sense of humor!  By making intelligent fun of the 
        spamming 1-900 fools, it might, in turn, discourage people from using 
        the phone services.  A downturn in results from such spams would 
        (theoretically) reduce their number.

        Has it worked?  Probably not in the way it was intended, and it 
        probably never will.  Still, it's a good way to pass a few idle minutes
        in constructive thought (if not constructive action).

        In any case, I just thought that this point might be added to the 
        existent FAQ (your obedient servant, Ed.), since it's a big part of the
        reason this newsgroup was created in the first place.  This is NOT 
        meant to discourage people from doing other things with it (such as the
        general posts, the stories, etc., that have appeared here); it's merely
        intended to encourage more people to ALSO use it to have a good laugh 
        while the alt.* hierarchy descends into smarmy oblivion.

        Thanks, and remember:

        CTHULHU LOATHES YOU!

ARCHIVES
        Justin Campbell is attempting (as of 23/1/97) to archive the 
	worthwhile longer posts to this group. He posts "I'm still working 
	on it. I'm in the process of formating what stories I have (making 
	them 80 chars per line or what not.) I'll also be archiving as many 
	of the relevant posts that appear here as I can find. 
	If you'd like to contribute anything to the archive, please send it to:
                stories@cthulhu.org, 
	or let me know where I can find it."

ARE PICTURES (GIFS, ETC.) WELCOME?
        This is not a newsgroup in the alt.binaries hierarchy, and so, 
        strictly, no. However, readers of the newsgroup are happy to see a 
        small number of mythos-related pictures. An ideal is perhaps that no 
        more than an average of 1 GIF per day should be posted, from any 
        source. Furthermore, posting "Does any one wish to see GIFs of ..." 
        messages before actually submitting the pictures is to be encouraged.

        HOWEVER, some internet providers are strongly against such postings by
        their users. You may want to find an appropriate binaries group and 
	post a pointer in this news group.

WHAT RELATED NEWSGROUPS ARE THERE?
        Not that they would admit it, but:
        alt.horror.cthulhu addresses the more literary aspects of the Cthulhu 
                Mythos. 
        alt.horror.shub-internet addresses those elder beings who dwell 
                within the Internet
        alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.anime (more populous) &
        alt.binaries.pictures.erotic.anime - erotic anime art, but some of
                the art is girls and monsters, so ...

DOES THIS NEWSGROUP HAVE ANY RULES OF GOOD TASTE?
        No. Surprising as it may seem, with the title of alt.sex.cthulhu, many 
        parents probably would not want their children to read some of the 
        articles posted. Posters may warn of particularly gruesome or extreme 
        articles, but there is no newsgroup convention demanding this. You read
        at your own peril.

HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE CTHULHU?
        1) However he(?) wants you to.
        2) Don't pronounce it at all, it only attracts their attention, unless 
           you want that attention...
        3) "...and heard the ominous syllables which can be rendered only as
           Cthulhu" - H.P. Lovecraft, Call of Cthulhu.

SHOULD I PRACTISE SAFE SEX WITH EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL BEINGS?
        You should be so lucky as to last for the incubation period of any 
        earthly disease if you have sex with Cthulhu!

WHICH ELDER BEING MAKES THE BEST SEX PARTNER?
        There are many opinions, but shoggoths come well recommended for sheer 
        versatility. Thus:
        Found posted by: Nyar@blibble.demon.co.uk, November 1994
        Retyped in by: Kevin@fairbruk.demon.co.uk (so the typos are all my 
	fault)


        10 Reasons why a shoggoth is the perfect lover
        ----------------------------------------------
        1) It can form any pseudopod, and thus can form the perfect extrusion 
	or cavity to suit your needs.

        2) It will sleep on the wet patch, or on the floor, or even in the 
	garage.

        3) It can keep going as long as you want it to.

        4) Since it has a different biological basis, it cannot give you any 
	form of STD, and thus barrier methods are not required. Please remem-
	ber to wash your shoggoth in an antiseptic if sharing between partners.

        5) It cannot get you pregnant

        6) It can give you a back massage, answer the phone, open a beer, have 
	sex with multiple people, change the CD _and_ take dictation all at 
	the same time. (They also make good secretaries.) They do have a 
	slight problem with Microsoft Word for Windows though, no-one is quite
	sure why.

        7) It can hold the door shut so no-one can burst in on you.

        8) It never suffers from impotence or headaches.

        9) It will respect you in the morning and will not leave you for 
	someone else (unless they happen to know 'bind shoggoth' as well. At 
	this point your shoggoth will get very confused, split into two 
	shoggoths, and bits of both will keep commuting between the two 
	masses. Great for parties.)

        10) It won't insist on you meeting it's parents. (If you do meet its
	parents, lose 1d6/0 SAN.)

        Nyar - now all I have to do is learn to summon one...
        --------------------------------------------


ARE THERE ANY CTHULHOID SEX LINES?
        Any elder being worth the summoning can travel along phone wires, so 
        the illusion of safety given by using the phone is false. 

HISTORY OF THE FAQ
        13/8/95 updated to mention alt.binaries.pictures.erotic.anime
        30/11/95 added HISTORY section as verbatim from a posting to a.s.c.
                 added Pronounciation section.
        29/6/96   Added Shoggoth section
        23/1/97 Removed pictures alt.binaries.pictures.erotic.anime suggestion,
                added stories note.

LEGAL GUFF, AS IF CTHULHU WOULD PAY ANY ATTENTION
(C) 1995 K. Blackburn, Kevin@fairbruk.demon.co.uk, except for HISTORY section.
This material may be freely distributed and excerpted from, as long as the 
source is acknowledged, this statement reiterated, and no charge is made for 
distribution beyond reasonable costs.


-- 
Kevin Blackburn                         Kevin@fairbruk.demon.co.uk